


'State of Flux' - 1x11

by raktajinos



Series: Delta Drabbles - a Rewatch Challenge [11]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, F/M, Trust, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 05:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/935988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raktajinos/pseuds/raktajinos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a number of unanswered questions between Chakotay and Janeway after Seska's betrayal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'State of Flux' - 1x11

**Author's Note:**

> I love this episode for a number of reasons. I love any episode that manages to bring back the drama of the Cardassian/Bajoran relationship and Seska is just a badass. I've always loved her - she's like a more vicious Lady Macbeth.

The chime on his door beeped, but he ignored it, preferring to sit in the isolated silence of his quarters. At this time of night it would only be one of two people, and B'elanna knew him long enough to know to leave him alone tonight. And he didn't feel like seeing the Captain tonight; he wanted to wallow. Not very mature, but the truth nonetheless. 

The door beeped again, he knew it was going to be futile to keep ignoring her - no one ignored Kathryn Janeway when she didn't want to be ignored. He also knew it wasn't an emergency, his comm would have been called first; _not_ a personal visit from the Captain. 

"Don't make me use my override Chakotay" he heard her challenge through the door. 

He sighed and signalled the computer to open the door, not bothering to get up off the couch, watching as she came in and flopped down next to him. She was still in her uniform, just the jacket was missing. He always liked the look of the high-necked blue undershirt, the way it commanded respect yet hugged her body like a glove. He tore his eyes away and shut down that line of thinking; after the day he'd had, thinking about the other inevitable mistakes he was bound to make was not good for his mood…or his ego. 

Distracted as he was, he didn't notice the large bottle and two small glasses she'd brought in with her. She unscrewed the top and poured a rather substantial amount of the amber liquid into each glass, passing one of them to him. 

She lightly clanked her glass against his and shot the liquid down in one gulp. At her amused glare, he did the same, trying not to cough at the strength of the alcohol. 

"My mother gave this to me before I left to take command of Voyager. Its nearly 400 years old. ….I thought you could use some" 

He harumfed as she poured them another drink. 

They sat there in a comfortable silence, sipping their drinks, reflecting on the day.  He'd lost track of how long, lost in his own thoughts when he heard a small chuckle from the woman sitting next to him. 

He turned to look at her, "did you just laugh?" 

"No" she said, lips pursed in an obvious attempt to contain her mirth.

"You are!" he chastised, giving her a push on the shoulder so that she tilted on the couch. That seemed to have done it because she broke out laughing; a real laugh, hearty and from the stomach. 

"Oh god, I'm sorry Chakotay" she said between laughs, wiping tears from her eyes, "but its funny. I mean its _not_ , but - " she didn't complete her sentence, falling into another laughing fit. 

It was infectious and he found himself laughing alongside with her. If he was being honest, it was kind of funny, ridiculous more than anything. For the same thing to happen to him twice…it was against the odds. He should remember never to play poker, he had awful luck. 

Their laughter died down after a few minutes and they sat lazily on the couch together. He did feel better, less critical of his own abilities. 

"Thanks" he said, "I needed that"

She smiled and reached to grab his hand, weaving her fingers through his, electricity running up his arm at the contact. "Don't let this make you double think everything. You're a good officer, a great leader. Don't doubt yourself. No one saw this coming." 

He gave a weak smile in return, "ya. Still hard though."  She squeezed his hand in support. 

"Kathryn," he said, sobering up

"Yes?"

There was something else that had been playing on his mind, not just his own failures. "You immediately thought it was Seska because she was Maquis, you didn't _really_ think it was Carey" it was a statement more than a question, but she answered it anyways "no, I did not seriously consider Carey" 

He took a big breath, diving in, "do you see all my former crew that way? Do you see me that way? Because if you do, if every time we have a problem and the scapegoat will be Maquis….we're going to have a different set of problems"  he looked right at her, despite his desire to unlock his eyes from the intensity of her gaze. She was the first to break eye contact, shifting on the couch as she thought about her answer; but, to his shameful delight, not letting go of his hand. 

The silence stretched, it wasn't long but it was awkward and he was afraid of her answer. She finally turned to him, "I want to be honest with you Chakotay". 

"You need to be, Kathryn" he replied, almost as if offering an ultimatum.

"I don't know. I want to say it won't matter, that I won't judge former Maquis more harshly….and certainly thats true with some people like B'elanna or Ja'al, but - " she trailed off

"...the fact remains that of all the people on board, those with criminal records are more likely to re-offend. And there's more Maquis with criminal records than Starfleet crew."

When there was no response from him, she decided to just keep talking, "which makes sense. They didn't choose this life or the rules that come along with it. Like Suder, would you honestly be shocked if he did something?"

"There are members of _your_ crew that have records too" he said emotionlessly, avoiding her question. She stiffened at his use of 'your' - they hadn't spoken of the crew in such a binary in a while. 

"Yes. And honestly, when Tom got arrested on that planet a few weeks ago there was a part of me that believed he did it. He's got a record almost as long as yours" she said that last with a wink. 

That seemed to have helped because he gave a weak smile in return, but a smile nonetheless. 

"I think the only thing that will help this is time, Chakotay. Time for the two crews to really blend, for people to start seeing each other as family and for _both_ sides to forget any prejudices they have. Because you're guilty of the same Chakotay - you were dead set against Carey, convinced of Seska's innocence" she explained. 

It was a weird argument; neither of them were yelling and neither of them were actually angry. It was quiet, two friends sitting on a couch holding hands trying to figure out how to navigate this mess. 

"I suppose you're right" he sighed. He _was_ guilty of the same error in judgement, he just sided with the wrong person. 

"I can promise that I'll try. Try harder to get to know the crew - both sides of them" she added with conviction. 

"And I'll try to do the same"

She smiled, and squeezed his hand again, still clasped within her own.

"Good. Now, finish your drink and come join me on the holodeck" she ordered, knocking back the rest of hers. At his questioning look, she added "no more moping - yes, I know you're moping - time to get out and do something."

He drank the rest of his glass and reluctantly stood as she hauled him up off the couch. "Where are we going?"

A wicked smile came across her face, "oh, you'll see".


End file.
